Twenty-four days ago, I said "I do" and just like that, became a wife and step-mom. I have to admit, the transition has been more difficult than I expected. I pray for grace every hour of every day, and by bedtime, I am exhausted. It didn't help that I got sick during our honeymoon and decided to potty-train the week after that. Nevertheless, the last three weeks have been the most magical of my life. I can't count how many times I have thought "how is this my life?" not out of desperation, but out of wonder and amazement. I am beyond thankful that God has blessed me with these two amazing people that I get to spend the rest of my life with. Because in between the dishes and meals and changing pull-ups are the I love yous and the snuggles and the knowing that they will always be there.
I could say a million words about Jake and how he is the husband that I know God planned for me many years ago. I could tell you how he works hard and comes home and cleans and how he loves his daughter. But this post is going to be about his daughter, Natalie. Because the wedding was 900 miles away from home, we made a decision to not bring her to the wedding. We were in Missouri less than three days, and they were filled with a flutter of activity and chaos. We knew it would be hard on her to have none of her usual structure and routine, so we decided to have her stay in Pennsylvania. I believe we made the best decision for her, but it hurt my heart to not have her at the event that started our marriage. I know that a blog post cannot make up for that, but I wanted to make an effort to tell her how I feel about her.
Dear Natalie,
You turned three less than a week after I promised to love your Daddy for the rest of my life. We went on our first date two months before you turned two, and over the last fourteen months I have watched you transform from a baby to a little girl. Back then, I prayed and asked God to show me whether or not I could love you just like I would if I had given birth to you, because I knew that was the only way that this could work. Everywhere I look, there are horror stories about blended families and all of the problems that can accompany them. I am not naive enough to think that we won't face some of those problems in the future, but I know that we will get through them. I refuse to be afraid of them, because love casts out fear. And this I know, when I know nothing else: I love your Daddy, I love you, and Jesus loves us all. We have so much love between us that I have full confidence that there will be enough grace and forgiveness to cover any hurts we have in the future. And I know there will be hurts, because those happen in all families. But with love, hurts can be healed. Love is the greatest gift that God gives us, and he gave it to the three of us in abundance. And because we have God, we can choose to love in all circumstances, at all times. A million blog posts on step-parenting will never come close to teaching us what love can.
You are three today, and you will not understand all of the words that I type here. But you will not be three forever. Next year you will be four, and then five, and soon you will be a teenager. And before it seems possible, you will be a woman, all grown up. Before then, you will more than understand the things that I want to tell you, and one day I will pull a printed copy of this post out and share it with you. We will talk about my thoughts and yours, and I promise to listen to all of the feelings that you have, no matter what they are. And here, now, even though you won't read them for a long time, I want to make some other promises to you:
Natalie, I promise to love you and your Daddy, always. You deserve the stability of knowing that we will be a family, forever. You will never have to worry about me leaving, because I made a covenant with Daddy and with God to be with you forever. You will never have to fear the word "divorce" or wonder if I will be there tomorrow, because I will. Forever.
I promise to remember that I am your step-mom, and not your mom. You have a Mommy, and you love her very much. I promise to never be offended by that, and I will listen when you miss her or want to talk about her. I promise that you will never feel that you can't mention her or her family in our home, because they are your family, too.
I promise that when Daddy and I have more children, they will be loved just like you are. There will never be a reason for you to think you are less than in our family. You will always belong. You will always be the biggest sister, and the first little girl that Daddy and I loved. You will always, always, have that place in my heart. Blood doesn't make us a family, love does. Love always will.
I promise to always be your friend. I am not just your friend, I am your step-mom. And that role comes with responsibilities that will undoubtedly cause conflict in the future. But I promise that I will always be there to listen, to take you shopping and watch you play sports. I will always be your cheerleader, watching as you shine for Jesus in the world.
In the meantime, my favorite moments of the day are when you first wake up in the morning and I call your name, and I say I love you. When you say "I love you, too," my heart melts, every time. And later when I ask if you are my princess, and you say "I"m your princess too!" And those times when you ask, "Sheri, are you my step-mommy? and I get to say "Yes, I am!" I love those moments, and I promise to be thankful for them, always.
I love you, Natalie, and I promise to love you forever. Always.
Love,
Your Step-Mommy,
Sheri
